Memory Lane is now Paved

Say What?

2007-05-17T22:12:00.000+08:00

It's funny when you work at a place where everyone speaks and writes different English.
We understand each other perfectly fine most of the time though.

Just awhile back, some wise soul wrote on a tub containing mushrooms.

'MUCHROOMS'

And probably the same wise soul wrote on another containing Green Pepper.

'GREEN PERPER'

And last week, indicated on a blue container containing Sauteed mushrooms I spotted this,

'SALTY MUSHROOMS'

And all the time I just squat there momentarily and laugh to myself.

You Were Never There

2007-05-15T21:51:00.000+08:00

The pain will never go away;
The wound will never heal.
The evil that was done to you
Is now your eyes, your heart.

The black will never turn to gray;
The blood will not congeal.
The violence is never through;
The past does not depart.

Time will merely make you whole,
Consuming what you are:
Part sufferer, part comforter,
Part victim, part new song;

Part mother of an angry soul,
Part child of despair,
Part witness and part conqueror
Of all that did you wrong.

- Dimitri Shostakovich

And now I can only clutch the card in my hands, and wish I had never asked you.
Wish I had never asked you the be there.

Because you never were there for me when I was growing up. You weren't there to share my sorrow, and now, you will not be there to share my joy.

Sometimes I hate you. At most times I despise.

Father of mine

Tell me where did you go

You had the world inside your hand

But you did not seem to know

Father of mine

Tell me what do you see

When you look back at your wasted life

And you dont see me

Keeping the Faith

2007-05-04T14:57:00.000+08:00

On bent knees I pray,

dear Lord, help me this day
to remember you
and your teachings.
For i the unpardonable sinner,
and for i the bane to mankind -
forgive me Lord.

Dishonourable and anguished,
Lord, I need you.
I need you when I'm within and without.

Lord, I wish I could see your pretty face
most holy and sacred.
I wish I was there the day you were laid up on calvary

I think about you and I dream about you
and I wish you'd soon end this pain.
Lord, let me praise you in this storm.
Save me this day and for all these tears i've cried.

Fake Smile

2007-04-22T22:10:00.000+08:00

If all we speak is rational thought,
everyday I pray for the sadness.
My eyes are black, my throat full of sickness.

It's a small wonder how I could sit through all that hypocrisy. I've been living with it all my life. It don't make no difference one Sunday.
How could you let all that praises get to your head? Will that wayang get you up there?

I don't know how to speak with you. Sometimes I try too hard to. Most times, I just don't give a shit. Because I know that no matter what I do, and no matter how hard I try all the time, you never see it the way she does. The way everyone else does.

Why don't I deserve the same trust, respect, confidence and support that all other dads have in their children?

I've given up on you somehow. I'm just going with what my heart tells me to. It don't help to try and talk things with you. Because I feel so strongly that you are either plain ignorant, or you don't bother.

Well, I don't bother too.

Have you ever needed someone else
and the feeling never fades?
Have you ever had it pulled away from you
till there was nothing left to take?

Cause' it's too late to say your sorry
it's too late to understand
all the times you made me worry
all the times that I tried to fake a smile

THAT I TRIED TO FAKE A SMILE;

JUST TO GET BY

Lamer Than Thou

2007-04-18T13:43:00.001+08:00

Why mothers should never use messenger

mommy says (1:39 PM):
BMWbig mouth woman

jas says (1:39 PM):
....

jas says (1:40 PM):
i needta shit

jas says (1:40 PM):
how bout u?

mommy says (1:40 PM):
me too

jas says (1:40 PM):
hee....

mommy says (1:40 PM):
just tahan

jas says (1:40 PM):
kk, lets race to who gets to the toilet first

jas says (1:40 PM):
ready...

mommy says (1:40 PM):
2 people 2 toilets

jas says (1:41 PM):
2 people. 1 toilet?

jas says (1:41 PM):
u take the shower area. i take the bowl

jas says (1:41 PM):
toilet bowl i mean

mommy says (1:41 PM):
2 toilets

jas says (1:41 PM):
HAH!

jas says (1:41 PM):
the master toilet gives me the phobes

jas says (1:41 PM):
the bowl might just give way la!

jas says (1:41 PM):
hehe

mommy says (1:42 PM):
wont lah

jas says (1:42 PM):
you. never. know

mommy says (1:42 PM):
aiya

jas says (1:42 PM):
aiyah ur head

jas says (1:42 PM):
okay lah. i got to go n do ma business

mommy says (1:42 PM):
yr butt so small dun break u also will fall in

jas says (1:42 PM):
weee...

jas says (1:42 PM):
HAIYAH!!!

Self-defence Mechanism

2007-04-13T13:51:00.000+08:00

I'm writing this entry to let all of you know I am still alive.

10 things that have taken place the past 2 weeks (in no particular order):
1. Work, work and more work
2. 'Last lunch' with the man who has enlisted for National Service
3. Completed Major Project Report for the hospital (finally)
4. Healing wound (yay)
5. The modelling stint I did for dear Ruishan (you were awesome)
6. Soured some relationships
7. Ben came back for a day!
8. Sent in academic transcript (so we'll see how it goes in 2 weeks)
9. Unbelievable amount of money spent on calls
10. Still insane

growing back into the ground let me smile again...smile

Sore

2007-04-05T22:07:00.000+08:00

It's not a very nice feeling to burn yourself - with scalding soup.
And it's not exactly a very wise thing to save a soup bowl instead of yourself.

And accidentally cutting yourself with a newly sharpened knife?

Somehow, i don't feel the pain as much as the one that has been killing me inside.

-

Of skin,
a flap like a hat,
dead white.
Then that red plush

I am never broken

Drive

2007-03-31T23:25:00.000+08:00

The Saturday sun bears down again
As we drive with friends
And on these longest days we spend
All the time trying to pretend
That our stories could be true
Our chance to be cool
The setting sun says the day is through
If only we knew.....
And we all sit around here in our home town
Listen to the waves as they all crash down
And watch the fire as it slowly burns away
Glowing embers fly across the sky

As you drove past the road, I couldn't help but think of the moments that still mean so much to me. How the both of us took that long walk down from downtown to the place I love so much - little india. I laid in the back seat of the car and just stared out on the pavement, and I thought to myself.

Things have got to change.

I remember how you took me to the LAN shop off Short Street and we played till it was late and couldn't bear to go home. I kept killing you on counter-strike with my guns and machines but you let me. Still fresh from it all like it was just last night.

These memories now, they only serve to hurt.

-

And then we drive by a place that brings a smile to your face.

You see the playground where your good friend sprained her ankle on the merry-go-round. You picture the crazy monkeys that pranced around in the bushes and hankered after your meal. You hear the laughters that still clearly ring. You chuckle at how then your good friends and you crashed an old house and peeped in through the windows. And you taste the roti prata that you sat down to.
All these while remedials for the examinations were going on.

The thoughts linger as the vehicle steers away

So take one long last look

at our memories that were

for here encapsuled was how I saw

the lives we all so fondly bore

W-right

2007-03-30T13:10:00.000+08:00

You know how when everything's just wrong.
Everything you do is wrong, and everything you say, wrong.
or rather, don't make sense

You know just how when:
1. you start brushing your teeth like you're scrubbing the toilet bowl
2. you squeeze shower gel on your hands and start soaping your hair with it
3. and then shampoo for the body
4. you keep knocking your toes into the refrigerator, doors, curbs.
5. you're asked to prepare ingredients for 4 portions of rice but you keep preparing only 1 - even after having been knocked on the head
6. you find yourself on the floor in the morning and wonder how you got there
7. you start rambling on and on and repeat the same jokes to the same people
8. in the wee hours of the morning you get out of bed and start digging through your cupboard, drawers, treasure boxes to find little knick-knacks, jewellery, old faded photographs, and then start smiling to yourself.
9. you tune into the radio and try to sms in to win some prize for some lame ice-cream contest
10. your heart's just messed up and there's a sudden bizarre unfortunate change of events - or are they fortunate.

.
..
...
....
.....

Pray'r

2007-03-29T22:46:00.000+08:00

Lord bless this night for when I rest-

let my loved ones sleep as well as I.

Lord forgive me for all the wrongs and lies

To right and repent; I constantly try.

Lord, enchant the lives of the loved, make them not cry

for never will I present to them my sadness in life.

Lord bless their meals and places they sleep-

for they know not how lonely, how much I do weep.

Dear Lord, bless upon me strength to overcome;

For when love does fade, I find not the power to lead.

God bless upon me a will to have full use-

because without love, this fight I might well lose.

Lord, as sun shines and dew rest on leaf

Let them too witness thy glory, thy faith and belief.

Lord, like dirt and the sweat that crusts on my face-

Let them never feel this; alike to my disgrace.

Lord from your humblest creation thus true

Let them always awake - feeling anew.

Lord as I lay weapon down to seek rest

Please let them know how they always have my best.

Lord, like the stars in the night that doth shine

Let me have their care - as much as they have mine.

Lord, though I may fade in their memories

Let them know they have all of me.

Lord, love them always, as much as I do -

in trust and full heart, I kneel before you.

Lord as I sleep with my cheek on greased steel

Make me forget; of how terrible I feel.

- Sal

Where It Now Hurts the Most

2007-03-27T20:51:00.000+08:00

on Vineland past the candle shrine that burns on every night

for someone

she lets herself go

like an angel in the snow

she lays down on her backdown on her back - she goes

"Here. This is the money I've saved up for so long. And this will take you where we've planned for so long now. This is almost enough. I'm working for more. You've got to learn to save. And you've got to learn to manage your expenses. And while you're away, I'll still keep on working to support you. And when you're back, it doesn't matter if you don't find a job related to your course of study. But I know at least with a degree, it'd get you far.....your dad's always talking bout' the money. But this is mine. And it's for you."

And then it just cut me deep like a knife.
Like working with sharp tools prick you everyday on the job.

I stared for so long at the bankbook.
And I still couldn't bear the thought to use all that cash. All that sweat.

The journey down the escalator seemed like i've been on it for hours.
and it was like the rails scarred my fingers deep
like there was blood written all over

like i've caused so much pain

take me over when I'm gone

take me over make me strong

take me over when I'm gone

will they burn for me

Can't get any worse

2007-03-21T23:14:00.000+08:00

Okay, I've had so many complains - can't understand the shiat i write.
So today, I'm going to tell all of you some really.....dumb stories about me.

You all like dumb stories eh.

Well, to all you people who haven't already heard. I'm currently part-timing at fish & co.
Part-timing includes working my ass off every week with 1 day off.
And for the rest of this week? I'm working on friday, saturday, sunday. Doesn't help when you know how busy it's going to be during the closing shift.

ANYHOW,
the dumb stories.

Okay this is my 2nd week of work. So in the past 2 weeks, I have gotten 'scoldings' from 3 different people.

1. Auntie - Kena 'scolded' for slamming the ice machine door to hard. this is our dialogue
Me: *SLAMS*
Auntie: *Stares* Next time can you close the door lightly. Don't slam. If 1 day you slam 10 times. The door will spoil.
Me: *embarrassed smile* Orh. *faster walk away*

2. Deaf and Dumb Dishwasher Uncle
Me: *fiddling around with the soap under the dishwashing area* *lalala...where's the green soap?*
Dishwasher Uncle: *tries to make some pang sai sound to get my attention*
Dishwasher Uncle: *sign languages angrily*
Me: I just want to know where the green soap is
Dishwasher Uncle: *sign languages angrily for me to go away*
Me: Okay okay. Just where is the damn soap
Me: *walks back to ask Uncle Sam*
Uncle Sam: He's mute.
Me: *damn. Should have known better*

In the end, we still didn't find the soap.

3. Some Big Shot of Fish & co. - given a gentle reminder to take off my apron when going to the loo.
Yesterday
Big Shot: where did you come from?
Me: er...the toilet? *thinks mother's womb cheekily*
Big Shot: and where did you leave your apron?
Me: uhmm...i took it out when i was in the toilet
Big Shot: You're not supposed to bring your apron into the toilet. do you know that?
Me: yes, i do. *better shut up and not argue*
Big Shot: how long have you been working here?
Me: 'bout a week
Big Shot: and your name?
Me: Jasmine
Big Shot: Okay.
Me: uhh...thanks for telling me *like real*

and after this episode. all the management team knew my ditzy move.
mommy jeana (my super nice asst. manager) today was like laughing her ass off la.

ANYWAY,
have a great week all of you.

Goodnite.

Today I'm Fine

2007-03-19T09:48:00.000+08:00

You know how I like the long ride home. Nice scenery. Good company. Nostalgic feelings of places once frequent. Music.

But I rewind to 2 years back, and then it starts to hurt again.
It's the thought of you I fear.
We're on the same bus. A different seat. But the same places (unchanged).
It's the same walk home.
And it's the thought of losing you - when I see your back. Of you walking away.

-

I look down from the balcony, and I see you. Trying to do your chin-ups. Fooling around on the monkey bars. And waiting so patiently (if only I had hair long enough like Rapunzel to let it down for you).

It scares me. And drives me insane.

But today, I'm fine.

Hope

2007-03-15T10:10:00.000+08:00

I remember my body fighting wave upon wave of thought as i tried to go back to sleep.

I thought I saw you there.

I really thought I did when I sat in front of the computer screen.

I can't recall when, or how it was like.

But it was beautiful.

Several times I played with the idea of telling you how it feels to hurt this much.

But I know it wouldn't do either of us good.

I really thought I saw you online

and i was elated because you wrote in a mail and said you couldn't come on.

and you wouldn't be able to.

And I woke up from my dream before I could speak with you.

I didn't like that feeling, and I lay there in tears.

But I'm now remedy-ing this with work

work

..............and more work.

What's in a Name

2007-03-12T22:55:00.000+08:00

I decided to look up my name on the internet. Like meaning, origin and sorts.

So this is what www.thinkbabynames.com says:

The girl's name Jasmine \j(a)-smi-ne, jas-mine\ is pronounced JAZ-min, jaz-MEEN. It is of Old French and Persian origin, and its meaning is "jasmine". Refers to the climbing plant with delicate, fragrant flowers, which derives from Yasmin.
Jasmine has 34 variant forms: Ismenia, Jas, Jaslyn, Jaslynn, Jasmeen, Jasmin, Jasmina, Jasminda, Jasmyn, Jasmyne, Jassamayn, Jazan, Jazmin, Jazmine, Jazmon, Jazmyn, Jazmyne, Jazzmin, Jazzmine, Jazzmon, Jazzmyn, Jazzmynn, Jess, Jessamine, Jessamy, Jessamyn, Jessie, Jessimine, Jessimine, Yasmeen, Yasmin, Yasmina, Yasmine and Yasminia.

I kind of like Jazzmon. But I thought if in spelling, Jasmon will sound kind of cool. Like some cartoon character eh.
Somehow, I thought Jasmina is kind of weird. Its like 'Jasmine ah'. How most people will address me actually. And so is Jessamine. It's like how my grandma couldn't spoke eng-leash properry, and then like you know. Just weird to me.

No offence if your name is any of the 2. Really.

Wikipedia has this to say about the name.
The common name 'jasmine' is often given to unrelated plants with pale, sweetly-scented flowers and dark green leaves.

Hmm....no wonder.

But I still don't think the flower has a sweet scent or how these sites claim them to be.

Well, I like my name, and I like how my parents put so much thought into naming me. And I like how most people or at least the ones who are closest call me 'Jas' or 'Oi' for the matter.

The Nag

2007-03-09T16:53:00.000+08:00

Seems like the old injury's back.

I still remember 5 years ago, we climbed the parallel bars together. Not.
You thought you had all bravery, and you thought you could do it alone.
But we were held on to each other by a harness.
And you couldn't wait to reach the top.

You couldn't wait to say, "I'd done it all without you."
"Away with the buddy system"
But we were held on to each other.

I recall how I had to sit on a cushion each time I felt the pain for awhile after we came back. X-rays and medical checks found nothing wrong. But it was my pain. And it 'progressed' - Upwards the spine.
And now it still hurts. Because no amount of massages, or tiger balms, or analgesics, or salonpases, or voltarens will do it good.

I'm disappointed.

-

But I forgive you.

Love Autopsy

2007-03-07T18:22:00.000+08:00

edited (haha)

If you know me well enough, you'd know that I'm crazy about 'Bridget Jones'. Well, maybe crazy about ~~Drew Barrymore~~Renee Zellweger. She was damn good as Bridget, and she's just the kind of girl I'd fall in love with if i were a guy. all ditzy and uhmm...funny.

She starred in the show opposite Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, and I know most girls out there would probably think I was nuts if I said I watched 'Bridget Jones' all for ~~Drew~~Renee, and none at all for Hugh Grant.

But. That's me for you.

edited (haha.ha)

I've watched many of Drew Barrymore's crazy shows. Especially the ones with Adam Sandler. '50 first dates'? 'The Wedding Singer'?
Its like you can't not like the way she played the character.
Okay, 'Charlie's Angels' and 'Poison Ivy' are exceptions lah. Oh, and so was 'E.T.'
The storyline of E.T was just plain weird. And Drew Barrymore played one of the earth children that helped the stranded alien return home. Wuh?!

ANYHOW, 'Music and Lyrics' is going to be out in theatres tomorrow. And it stars Drew Barrymore (!) and Hugh Grant. Well, I've watched it already, so I'm telling you you should too (if you like Drew lah or Hugh Grant for the matter).
I think she wasn't as much a ditz as she was playing Bridget but she still is funny. And the songs are great too.

Hur...

I love both of them. And you too Angel. <3

What a Ditz

2007-03-06T18:48:00.000+08:00

For four, or maybe three ****ing years, I'd kept on thinking I'd gotten a B4 for English at the 'O' Level Examinations.

It was only late last night, I took out my certificates and transcripts to prepare documents I'd need to prove qualifications and shitnitz, did I realise I got a THREE.

Wow jasmine. how brilliant.

You nearly handed in that FOURTY-ONE DOLLARS ONLY cheque to sit for some dumb proficiency test.
Nearly.

I was pretty dumbfounded.

After arranging my certs and transcripts in a clean envelope, I went to sit on the couch with a book 'Angels' by Marian Keyes.
And then I flipped over to the page I last bookmarked.
Closed it shut, walked back to where I placed the envelope, and took out my O-level certificate to see if my eyes were playing tricks on me.

No.

For THREE ****ing years.

Blood Thirsty

2007-03-05T21:46:00.000+08:00

BLOOD DONATION DRIVE

Date: 17th March 2007
Time: 1-5pm
Venue: Church of Christ, Lim Ah Pin Road
Please Call or SMS (Name, Contact no. and Time) Mr. Lucas Quek at 81993687 to register.

Please bring along your NRIC (passport for non-Singaporeans) or Donation Card. Thank You.
For donors aged 16 & 17, please bring the signed Bloodbank parental consent form.

Or you could just leave a tag on the board and let me know.

Loves.

Why We Do the Things We Do

2007-03-05T21:13:00.000+08:00

Why I like staring into a vast open space
(space out - you know?)
Why I have a recent fetish for nice feet
(and I just keep staring at em')
Why I like to dig my nose when no one's looking
(but sometimes I get caught)
Why I like to tap my toes on the ridge of my bed
(to a song mostly)
Why sleeping on my bitch's ass gives me such a good feeling
(she's kind of bony though)
Why I like singing in the shower
(because the bathroom has the best acoustics)
Why I like to sleep with my face in my pillow
(don't know why either)

Why

What is

2007-03-02T22:44:00.000+08:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our lights shine, we unconsciously give other people the right to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
~ Timo

Began

2007-03-01T21:20:00.000+08:00

It's funny how everytime I graduate from some institution, the teachers and lecturers and psychic what-nots will say the same ol' phrase of "It's not the end. It's just the beginning".

And they're always right.

So here are 10 things I want to do now that things have just begun:
1. Go to the zoo (again)
2. Find a decent job
3. Get more people for the blood donation drive
4. Prepare Bible class lessons
5. Finish Major Project (now, wasn't that the end?)
6. Busy myself with uni applications (right)
7. Start exercising
8. Buy more 'Hei Bi Hiam' (yum!) [Okay, pardon the irony]
9. Practice my guitar pieces, and do my lazy theory so I can hopefully take the exam
10. A pretty mural on my bedroom wall (something I've always wanted)

All Around Me

2007-02-25T22:28:00.000+08:00

I never thought that growing up could be so tough - still I tried.
Time goes by as I look at my life.
I never gave my all, I had so much to hide
I always took my time, was along for the ride

I was at the café this late afternoon, and there were many instances when I just spaced out and thought about how so many things could have turned out the way I planned them to be. That, only had I put in a bit more effort. Spent a bit more time. Bothered.

Tried. Harder.

I sat there. Twirling my pen. Watched the numerous times the girls beside went out for puffs. And the world just spun round my secret life. My cheap parade.
I heard screams of children. Loud bangings. And the patter of the rain on the parapet.
And there was no expression on their faces. There was no tomorrow.

I sat. And listened.

Hard to Take

2007-02-22T00:10:00.000+08:00

When I watched protege last evening, it somehow struck a sore spot.

-

I flashback to the December afternoon of 2003.
I remember so vividly your last days before you went in. And then I never knew when I'd see you again. You left and I didn't get the chance to say, "see you soon. take care while you're in there".

It was hard for all of us.

My dad broke down when he shared the news. It was really the first time I saw him cry. I was hurt too. I miss the way you'd come and ask me how my guitar lessons were coming along. Back then, I remember I just started off, really stupid, kind of dumb. My fingerings were a mess, and I didn't have a proper guitar to practice on.
But you were always nice to keep asking of me, and I still clearly remember the song you told me to learn how to play. Romance de amour.
I know how to play it now - from memory. And each time I play this song, I remember you.
It's beautiful, and it's sweet.

I remember the good times we had. How the both of us shared the Seafood platter for 2. How we laughed through Ju-on, when the girls were squirming and kicking our chairs from behind. How you really inspired me to pick up the guitar.
I liked the way your fingers grooved on the fret board, and I always aspired to do the same.

Each time I got my certificate, I planned to run to where you are, show it to you, and make you so proud of me. But I know I'll never get the chance to. I hope you will come back to us when this dark period is over. We still love you, and think about you all the time.

I still keep the bag you bought for me, when you heard that mine was in a pathetic condition. It now holds the old guitar - the melodies from once the sad songs rang.

'But come back and hear how well I can play now - on these strings.'

Arithmetic

2007-02-20T22:21:00.000+08:00

Love doesn't make the world go round. It's what makes the ride worthwhile.

Hey,
I don't know if you'll ever see this site. And read these words said from where it hurts the most.
But i want you to know I miss you, and I wish you were here with me this holiday.
I don't know how it's like to be so far away from home -To be away from where our dreams were once lived.
I wonder how you are right now.

Each time I look down from my flat, I see ghosts. Ghosts from that summer.
I've been sent over the edge, and I'm raging wars against myself.
Please, come back soon.

love,
jas

I Really Wouldn't be Smiling

2007-02-19T12:32:00.000+08:00

if it weren't for all of you.

I havent gotten over all the love you gave. And i won't.

I know i'm going to miss all of you.

I really wouldn't be smiling if you weren't smiling in the first place.

How the corners of your mouth curve upwards

I Can Hear You Breathe

2007-02-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

Heave. A. Sigh. of. Relief

I thought yesterday was funny.
- At least mdm kalpana was. Heh.
- Stressfully funny when suddenly a whole throng of loves came to help me and saved me from suicide. Thanks so much. Couldn't have made it today without all of you.
- Evan, August and Charlene's de-stressing method of KARAOKE in the lab. damn that was cute. Like Chinese New Year Songs and Oldies?! Couldn't get anymore insane when you put 3 of them together.
- Dinner with Lucas' and my lame excuse to attend Bs at the Jurong congregation.

I though yesterday was sweet.
- At least mdm ong was.
- Dinner with Lucas and our long talks on the train. Thanks for hearing me out. And thank you so much for sending me home even it was out of your way. I pray you'll be fine okay?
- Bible study was.
- Photos with yous. Been a long time eh.

For you kept me close and I leaned on you.

thank you to all of you who made the past few weeks bearable. thank you for keeping me sane when on the verge of breaking down. thank you to class of PA03 who made my lab today a success - i couldnt have made it without you all. thank you for all your photos. thank you to angel, evan and mdm ong for your selfless sacrifices during these past 3 months. thank you to you God - for being there for me when I thought you weren't. help me to learn to love you more.

Thank you.

for more. click here.

Sunday gloom

2007-02-11T22:19:00.000+08:00

Today, I decided on retail therapy.

Not that I didn't enjoy Saturday with you.

I promise you I did. Tremendously.

-

So after bible class, and the meeting for organising committee (blood donation drive). I headed for Bak Kut Teh with the mom and the dad. And then I decided I'll take a lil' stroll down to the station.
Destination: Bugis

I know I was thinking about too many things. Everything was just a cloud. Even crossing the road seemed like a blur. And that's why I thought that by buying myself or someone something will help ease the emotions.

I dreamt of loved ones, and of places distant and unseen.

I thought again about this last week of school. I felt so passionately about the love she has shown. I recalled the hours before you left, and it still hurt the same, but I now know God had in store better things.
And I thought about the offer letter. To all the loves whom I have kept in the dark - I've been offered a place in Deakin University.

So what now?

I dreamt of things beyond the stars.

I alighted from the train. And I was walking. And then someone called out to me, "JASMINE!"
I turned to the calling - in a daze.
There. 3 妖精 (demons or what, fairies?) as they described themselves to be.
Mel, Debbie, and Iris.

For a moment then, it felt like I was in some period drama and I was under the influence of some potent drug, and there were 3 giggling demons calling out to me.

So I decided to tag along, since I was out alone. It was nice being out with you ladies. But I'm sorry I couldn't find anything I liked (although the dress I tried on was awesome, on me, it did look like an artist impression of a stick man with baggy clothes). Somehow, the walking around helped a little. Thank you for making my day.

I know I need you.
I honestly do.

Everything's so blurry

and everyone's so fake

and everybody's empty

and everything is so messed up

pre-occupied without you

I cannot live at all

My whole world surrounds you

I stumble then I crawl

To You

2007-02-10T12:28:00.000+08:00

I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally gettin’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you

-

Beef Bowls and Smiles

2007-02-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

I like the way you smiled.

The way you moved around;
going about your daily work.

No matter how difficult the task was,

you went about it - smiling,

and that's what I love about you.

You ain't no superstar

but you're mine today.

Thank you for being there during my stay

Because you made my day

Okay, I know my smile looks constipated somehow. But that's cause I had ice in my mouth.

This Saturday

2007-02-03T12:30:00.000+08:00

It is a cold Saturday morning

a one of a kind start to a day, where I wake up at 10, fresh from another dream that didnt make much sense at all.

well, I was woken up by a buzz from my mobile you see.

this was meant to be a weekend of rest, for my aching head and my weary soul -

but something is telling me otherwise

I have rested well enough

in preparation for another long tiring week and more to come.

and i miss you

"Someone finds salvation in everyone

Another only pain

Someone tries to hide himself

Down inside himself he prays

Someone swears his true love

Until the end of time

Another runs away

Separate or united

Healthy or insane"

To Get Me Through Today

2007-01-30T20:19:00.000+08:00

Alright. So today I went to Angel's house to do MP (and how many pages was that?)

I lunched at her place. Eh, the char siew tasted damn good. I bet your mommy bought it from the market. Yum!
And the rice was so delicious also. Just couldn't eat much in this bad condition of mine.
I would have wacked the char siew otherwise.

And then we were watching some dumb war show on channel 5. What was it called?
'Hart War'? Anyway, the show starred Colin Farrell and Bruce Willis, and there was just too much bombing.
But what Angel and I thought was funny about the show was when this guy got blown up in the face, and he was wearing this helmet that said 'MP'. Er, okay, not the getting blown up part.
Then again, maybe we should blow up our reports and all that thinga-majigs after we're done.
Woot!

Oh yeah, so it was like 4. And I told Angel to stop already, 'cause I was physically there but not there. Heh. So then we watched tv again.
'我猜，我猜，我猜猜猜’
And then poof. I went into sleep mode like totally.
I didn't know I slept for so long la.

Angel, your sofa damn good.

And so, I left and came home to watch Ellen! But Tyra Banks put me to sleep today. Ayee...

Have a good nite ya' all.

There's a Hole in the Plan

2007-01-29T18:48:00.000+08:00

Looks like somebody moved the finish line further.
Or has it always been this far.

Seems like the cheerleaders have cheered and left the stadium.
Or were they never there in the first place.

This place is a mess.

This run to the end is.

When the Cookie Crumbled

2007-01-26T18:11:00.000+08:00

I've been pretty unhappy of late, and I hope I won't be for long.

If any of you know me well enough, or see me more than 7 days a week, have had the slightest hint that there's something wrong with me. You're right (but no, you're not getting a prize). If I've said that I'm fine. Don't bother asking me again. You'll know I'm lyin'.

I feel a whole lot troubled and bothered with all that talk.
Just today, I listened to another bout of nauseating gossip. Right before the test. Thank you.

I don't wear my emotions on my sleeves. And I don't usually share my thoughts with people the way I am doing right now. Maybe the one person (besides God) I used to talk to so much about things isn't right here. But before anything gets the better of me, I need to try to thrash things.

-

The saddest thing I find, is how much time I spend thinking about all these things that I get too drained and/or demoralized to carry on with the better part of life. I miss a really good movie. I miss guitar lessons. I miss the champion time-waster - chilling out. I miss the thrilling derring-dos of teenage life, most uncaring, most reckless, above all most spontaneous. But most of all I miss myself.

There's the exhilerated and the sorrowful.

I, unfortunately, am the latter.

"They say that girl ya know she act too tough tough tough"

Roll These Thoughts

2007-01-23T11:05:00.000+08:00

I need answers to the questions. Questions that have plagued me for awhile now. I've put all these feelings in all these places. Hid them away.
I've not reached the end of my tether.

But.

I think we need to get down to serious business here. If you all think that we have enough time on our hands. I want you to know, NO, we do not. You all think its easy. That its easy for me to go on pretending that i'm fine with the way we work. That its easy for us to think that we have all the time in this world. Time now, unfortunately, isn't our friend.

Sometimes, I need just one thing from all of you.
Commitment.

You go on bitching about everyone. Hey, do you not realize everyone is doing the same to the both of you? I hate being caught in the middle. I hate to be caught in this mess.

So now, I'm standing in the middle of 2 shifted grounds. And I'm falling.

"Take out all the sorrow, that the world dishes out"

You are, What it is to Burn

2007-01-21T18:25:00.000+08:00

"I look up the stars above tonight
I wonder if you are underneath
The same old sky that we began
The same old sky that we had planned

To spend forever hand in hand
The winds and storm will we withstand
The same old sky that will expand
The same old sky I give my all

This time I fall"

This time, I'm falling for you. And if you'd only hear me out now. I don't care what others might think. I don't care what others will do. I just care about how you feel.

Me, Myself and You

2007-01-19T16:36:00.000+08:00

"You're a very special girl Irene. Look at you! You're just so down-to-earth. I mean look at your hair. Its like you don't give a damn, ya know? And your skin's so natural, and you just let it hang out! Blemishes and all. You're not afraid of your flaws."

~ Charlie

Now, I'd want you to love me like that.

And Angel, I think that was a damn good show.

Makes me feel so good about clowning around. Always.

132th

2007-01-15T22:08:00.000+08:00

Hey big brother!
If you ever read this post, know that all of us here at home will be praying for you. We will remember you when we're at play, at work, doing our business....basically everything. And i'm sure the LAP congregation would pray for you too.

Oh well, you have fun over there. And make sure you get that 'Gold wing'. Heh. But even if you don't, you're still going to be my superstar. Woot!
God bless and keep you Ben!
If you really do make it past this 1 year around, I will buy you a Mcdonald Big Mac Meal. Hehe.
Sorry la, so cheapo.

Love ya!

Something About You

2007-01-13T17:47:00.000+08:00

I don't understand why I feel the same way again and again, the same f'n beautiful feeling.

It's been over for what seems like eternity, so much so that's what's left are just remnants of a time of fluctuating moods, exhilaration, melancholic hyperbole, love won and love lost. But as if by some twisted means of fate - I stumble across you. In something I've kept and locked away since 16 June '05.

You sit still. Unmovable. In the wrapping you came in.

If you, who have been in my thoughts for 5 years now, are reading this, then I must have you know - that it would mean the world to me -

if you'd just come back, and relive the hours with me.

Read our conversations the way I have.

See the one photograph of us I've searched for so long.

Smile.

............and cry the way I've been crying.

all these while.

"Every day reminisce with the past

of a love that we thought would last.

How we used to be when it was you and me.

How did it all disappear so fast.

There are days that I can't forget

there are things that I now regret."

Thereafter

2007-01-12T18:05:00.000+08:00

Today's career fair sure made things even more depressing.
I don't really want to settle for a job. Think about further education. Much less graduate from TP. I wish things were less complicated, and we needn't make all these decisions.

Seems like I don't have much of a choice.

Maybe I should quit whining. Stop contemplating. And get my ass settled down.

"But....but.....the world's spinning!"

Oh well, I'll tell all of you what I want to do.
My passion has always been teaching. I know you all think I'm nuts. No. You are so totally like wrong. We all have childhood ambitions don't we? And this sure has followed me. And I've always loved math. So I want to teach math. I know you also think math is so totally like wrong. No? So I'm going to apply for the Bsc (Education). And if I don't get in. I'll kill myself.

So there, what's your calling?

I know the current diploma I'm pursuing has no relevance whatsover. So maybe I'll just go abroad and continue doing what I'm doing. Right. Then where's my offer letter? I've waited for 3 months already.
Please. Offer letter. Show. Up. In. My. Mail. Soon.
And then there's the issue of leaving you here. I so totally want to be with you. And I know how things will change should I be away. I so totally want to be with you.

"Now....now....the world's definitely spinning"

Maybe I should just pray. Every minute of every day.

It's Really Ugly

2007-01-10T17:30:00.000+08:00

Because I can contain my anger no more.

I think it's really ugly when.....

people on the bus or train don't offer their seats to the elderly, the handicapped or pregnant ladies
men rush for an empty seat on a crowded train, and there's an old lady who needs it more standing right in front of him (it's so not gentlemanly)
people just eye the seats and CHIONG AH, and don't really bother to ask if others would like to seat
i hold the door for people, and they just pass me by without a word of thanks
i'm in the lift asking the passengers which floor they're heading to, and they just pretend you're not there, instead stare so hard at the control panel looking for their floor (AIYA! press already)
i'm having my meal, and someone rattles on about how unappealing my meal looks, and unembarrasingly says it so totally sucks after trying a bite (hello. let me finish first?)
someone starts jabbing at my food and eating my share without asking
people talk with their mouth full
people don't know how to close their mouths when they eat (excused if you can't close your mouth in the first place)
you're so pushy
saying 'thank you' is so difficult to you

Because ugliness is possessed by physical things that are unappealing to the senses, especially visually, and so totally provokes revulsion or horror. We should therefore all learn that it is not totally the outward appearance but also the inward that truly makes us beautiful.

Amen.

Two Parts Vodka, One Part Lime

2007-01-07T21:17:00.000+08:00

I think I'd just die halfway through the run tommorow.
Maybe some last words?

WHY MUST DO NAPFA LAAAAA???!!!!!!

I was telling my mom how i'd just collapse from exhaustion. And then she was like, "aiya...poly people damn slack one la. where got fit...."
hello. not helping can.

Those were the basketball and days when i'd just run around and not feel tired.
It. is. different. now. Period.

And i tried to carry the heavy taukua. Cannot make it la! So incline flex-arm hang also die.

Jasmine jasmine. *slaps*

Crude

2007-01-06T19:07:00.000+08:00

I just came back from my run. And this incident happened when I was warming down at the basketball court.
So well, I was sitting at the arena, and just looking at those guys shoot hoops, playing their games and stuff.
But wherever you are, there's bound to be nimwits. And there they were, playing soccer, juggling the ball in the basketball court.

Like hello....don't you all see the sign? Maybe it looks all abstract to you. But even my kid brother when he was 3 could tell what it meant.
"NO KICKING OF BALLS"

So right, I got hit real hard on my hand.
Friend of guy who kicked the ball: "Purposely one...."
Guy who kicked the ball: "Sorry sorry (gesturing to me)"
To guy i'd like to give a kick in the balls: "I'm good (gesturing to him)."
But you all really looked sissy when the blame was just being pushed around.

And I thought they'd learnt their lesson. But no, there they went again. Smashing balls into the fences, and the shelter (so much so for a moment I fantasized I was in the arcade hitting those nimwits heads in. smash. smash.)

What happened next probably left one of the guys shitting in his pants.
He hit the ball so hard, and it hit this girl who was sitting on the benches.
It must have hurt real bad.
Sure did. She wouldn't have burst out crying.
Her boyfriend who was in a game came charging at him, and there was this commotion.
WOOHOO!
I thought there was going to be a Channel 8 drama, but dang! there wasn't.
I tell you. I was cursing.

He just went on his kness and apologised. Boy, I wondered what could have happened if both of them weren't friends.

This Photograph is Proof

2007-01-05T23:52:00.000+08:00

I see 40 years down, when I'm all old, wrinkled and grey. Flipping through my dusty photo album, and in a yellowed photo i see all these faces so familiar. I see us sweaty from a game of captain's ball, tired, but we never did fail to smile for the camera.

And in a certain memory, I remember all of you.

Maybe we're counting on a dollar coin and a wishing well for our lives after graduation. But where we are, or what we do. Know that I wish you well. I wish you well.

"Everybody's got a cross to carry, got a story to tell"

And I'll tell them about you.

'P' On You

2007-01-03T22:05:00.000+08:00

This is a pretty retarded-funny conversation which took place between mom, dad, Justin and I during a commercial break.

me: "Eh dad, no more homezone already ah?"
dad: "No la, still have. We'll have one at the end of this month"
dad: "Eh friend (calling my mom), want to eat the watermelon?"
mom: "don't want la, not now"
just: "you know when i go to these gatherings or homezone, i don't eat the fruits"
me:" why?! something wrong with it meh"
just: "just don't know how its been man-handled (he's just being paranoid. i know. i am like that sometimes)"
just: "like that time, auntie alice brought the fruit. no one touched at all"
me: "wah! thats damn mean la. fruits are the one thing i'll eat most"
just: "cant remember what fruit she brought la. i think pineapple"
just: "or maybe papaya"
me: "never mind la. not important. but i think cannot be pineapple"
just: "aiyar, cant remember what's the fruit already. But i remember....it starts with 'P'."

*Loud bursts of laughter from mom and I*

mom: "Where got people remember what letter the fruit starts with one!"
me: *coughs*coughs*coughs*coughs*EXACTLY LAAAA!!!!*coughs*coughs*
dad: "What, what's so funny"

I think: "(o.O) dumbdumbdaddydaddydumbdumb"

Finally 15

2007-01-01T23:40:00.000+08:00

Thank you all for celebrating life.
Thank you for unleashing uninhibited gushes of joy,
relentless in your disregard for anything else in the world.

Thank you for the memories, the words, the thoughts.

I hate to think that the most puerile days are almost over. And its really not fun growing up, growing old. There's all these responsibilities I don't want to take, much less think about (and NO, Michael Peter, its not about getting pregnant).
15's kind of the age I want to live forever. It was sweet 15 for me. You probably thought it was O level year and I must be nuts. But that's exactly whats so sweet about it. I still remember that year like everything took place just yesterday.
I remember us. Them. You.

I'm not going to make a big fuss about being NINETEEN. But somehow, it really isn't fun anymore. And being wiser than before, I'm learning to grow up.
I celebrated today in a way I wanted to remember. No, not mass sending emails or smses to people in my address book and inviting as many people I could to be with me. It meant getting the ones that mattered.

I did have one of the most remarkably memorable birthdays I'd ever had. And I must admit, I almost broke down when you Jurong peeps sang me a song. Because you didn't bother that you didn't know who I was, or where I came from. Its been a long while since 'Happy Birthday to You' was that heart-warming.
And one of the most memorable birthday songs would also be the one I got before youu went away. And it was really funnynice of youu to sing me a 17th-birthday song in June. I have so many things to say to youu right now. So please come back soon because I don't want to regret the things that could possibly be left unsaid, undone.
For it somehow seems my life's going to change where two people are concerned.

2007's going to be really uncertain. Maybe its 'cause school ends in late February? And then I don't know what I'd really want to do? Or maybe I should really just....pray.
On a happier note, I'd just like to say my sincerest thank-yous to all parties guilty for making my birthday worth remembering and keeping.

In no particular order (besides God still being my first priority).
I love you God. I love you Mom. I love you Dad. I love you Ben. I love you Justin. I love you Lim Ah Pin Youths and Uncles and Aunties (especially to Cynthia, Daryl, Eunice, Charmaine, Rhui Yin, Ruishan, Amos, Jon, Joan, Daren, Melissa, Debbie, Iris, Reuben, Candice, Eliza, Ser Ern, Uncle Mike and Aunt Kwee Eng, Uncle Tian Seng and Aunt Geok Eng, Uncle Jerry and Aunt Susan, Uncle Hong Leng and Aunt Annie, Uncle Jimmy, Uncle Chong Ping) I love you Jurong ones. I love you Bernadet (thanks for reminding me I was turning 18 :p). I love you Raynuka and Ryan (for calling me at 3 in the morning. Lucky you I was awake). I love you Liesl (still regard you as one of us yeah). I love you Lawrence (for remembering my birthday, for your present, and for sharing my day with all your friends). I love you Angel, Asmah and Irfan (for your well-wishes and all the shit we've been through the past 3 years). I love you 4E1 one-ners (who have remembered my birthday somehow or another).
And to the many others whose names I have not mentioned but I assure you, you are not forgotten. Thank you all for making the memories last.

"I hope I can understand, take this life and hold it in his hand, and greet this world. With arms wide open"

Love You Deep Deep

2006-12-29T20:36:00.000+08:00

THANKS BEN! I LOVE UUUUU.....

You take care in Perth okay? And have fun with all you army buds.
You have my support all the way Sir.
Birthdays with you are always pleasant.
I thank God everytime for you.

All I Want for Monday is You

2006-12-29T10:44:00.000+08:00

I could write out a whole long list of things I want for my birthday. And I can go on and on and on and there's no end to it. Some of you perhaps already know what I want or need, and intend to get whatever.

But if you're such a dearie, then you can go on and get me this.

"HEHEHEHE"

TICKLE ME ELMO. Love you ah.

And I'll Have You to Sing Along

2006-12-27T20:08:00.000+08:00

Will you open up my hand, and hold me tight?
Because everything I really need, is in your hands.
Sing my favourite song,
you'll have me to sing along.

"The friends I'll always want to have"

Today and Everyday

2006-12-26T21:13:00.000+08:00

Alright, so we got the new pediatric nutrition screening form. And we're all set and ready to go for Round 2 Audit man. Happy only ah.

Like Real.

How to get 60 subjects la! Why didn't we think of all these obstacles la people......

Wake up your idea Jasmine! Major Project wasn't supposed to be that sit-back-relax-eat-snake!
I just pray for something really good to happen.
So kids, please fall sick and admit yourselves into the full-paying ward. Remember, WARD 48. Only then will we have enough kids to keep us rolling.

And because of this right, it'd be HOLIDAYYYYYY for the rest of the week till when school re-opens (argh).
Maybe a gentle reminder?

MY BIRTHDAY is on the 1st this coming January.

Keep those wishes, presents, and love coming in.
Oh yah, if you all want to drop underwear into my mailbox like you've done in previous years.
Tolong la, leave your name can. Don't keep me guessing. Quite freaky also you know.

What Hurts the Most

2006-12-24T20:08:00.000+08:00

What hurts the most right now, would have to darn be my throat.
I think its the after-camp effect of all that screaming during games, the fried food, and the rainy weather. I can obviously add on to the list but the mentioned is enough.
It seems to be the most horrible sore throat I've ever experienced, and I was joking with Justin about how I can sing Bass.
Hey Amos, if you ever read this. I want to challenge you in 'Who can reach the lowest note'. hehe.

Anyhow, I went shopping with mommy this afternoon. And I think we spent too much. Too Much. I love you mommy. I always look forward to this time of the year because I know how much I can dig out from you. And I love you because you love me, my brothers and you always have us as your 1st priority.

So today, I can only say to you.

SHIOK ONLY AH!
Ouch my throat.

Where the Sky was Blue

2006-12-22T17:00:00.000+08:00

Okay, so I'm back from Sungei Perak Resort. I enjoyed myself but it could have been much better. I liked the scenery over there, and the fact that the resort was by the river. Though I missed out much when I was away, the time away from everything in Singapore really helped to calm my nerves before I go back to another school term of disaster.

The resort was actually quite 'lok kok', or in other words, cannot make it la. The dorm that I stayed in had like 2 broken toilet doors, a shower that had water coming out in like streams, no pillow cases, and no sinks la (so the girls would always walk to the toilets in the lobby area to brush teeth).
But it was a good thing my dorm had a heater, and 2 pedestals (also known as the 'sit toilet'). Haha. Because my other friends' dorms didn't have all these luxuries. So when Mel needed to crap, she'd always come over.

I fell sick on Wednesday afternoon, so I missed out on games, something which I feel really bad for. I'm much better already (at least I think I am), and I hope I will be all well by tomorrow, because its going to be another longggggg day. Ayee.

Oh yes, I must tell you all about the dumb thing I did on our way back.
So right, we were at the Singapore checkpoint, and we had to clear all our belongings from the bus. Well, I did, and decided to be nice, and cleared part of the guys' rubbish. So there was like Mister Potato canisters, mineral water bottles, and a plastic bag of my rubbish.
I came down the bus but there were no dustbins in sight! So I decided to be a smart-ass and asked the officer, and she said the nearest dustbins can be found after clearing customs.
Shucks la! Why didn't I think of that!

So I obviously had to clear customs with all that rubbish in my hands. Putting them through the x-ray scanner and all. I felt like such a dummy.
And the best part came when all the mineral bottles were like falling off the x-ray machine because there were too many, and too light they refused to pass the curtain part, and I was panicking because there was a long queue behind me.
And then the officer said, "Eh, you dropped one, next time put in plastic bag la".

Wahhh.....

And all the girlfriends who were behind me just thought it was really stupid of me.

"Find me a place, to hide my face. To escape"

The Soap Powder Issue

2006-12-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

Earlier on, I took my shower. Nice warm shower. After a long thursday, and 3 three sleepless nights (thanks to term test), it somehow felt very deserving.
So the routine would be to like brush teeth, wash face, scrub hair (yes, scrub. Don't ask), soap down, then wash undies.

Okay, now you know. But don't use it against me, or on me. And don't tell your parents I talked 'dirty'.

So yes, obviously you'll wash your clothes, your undergarments and what not with SOAP POWDER, right? Well, the thing about SOAP POWDER in my kitchen toilet is that it is always used up so fast! (Like some imp is feasting on those bluish-white granules). And for your information, the SOAP POWDER was placed there by me. I refill it. I use it for my underwear.
Then comes along some annoying idiot who will just use up like 4 spoonfuls of it (enough to wash 2 loads of clothing), wiping out all that's in the container. And then I refill, I tolerate the idiot's behaviour, but it freaking happens again and again and again, until I'm so fed-up now, I won't bother to refill anymore.

So Justin Kwan, could you please not wash your miserable pair of socks, and your stinky T-shirt with SO MUCH OF MY SOAP POWDER. You obviously can, but do be considerate enough to refill.

Otherwise, I will resort to unsightly labels on the container, like " FOR YOUR SISTER'S UNDERWEAR, SOLELY", or maybe one that says "YOUR FILTHY CLOTHES DO NOT DESERVE IT".

Hmph.
I really hope you read this, and do something about the SOAP POWDER.
Yeah, as if you would.

The Girl at the Window

2006-12-12T20:52:00.000+08:00

What if I've been a really good girl?
I don't cuss and swear.
I treat all my friends well.
I listen to my parents.
I love my brothers no matter how much pain they inflict
(Their pinches and their bites).
I ace in class.

So what if I've been a really good girl,
And I'm nice to everybody?

It Is Funny

2006-12-11T18:52:00.000+08:00

I've got this contact on MSN whose nick goes like this " Wahaha....Junxiong and Joyce go stead arh".
I'm very very amused, I tell you.
Nothing could second this 'joke'. Because it is not just me, and all the other closer friends in school who have spotted this. Even you and probably the rest of our course mates as well.
Well, if you haven't already realised, you are just plain dumb and have no idea who these brilliant 2 folks are. Excused.

Haha.

P.s. I have no intention of making your/their names like *u*x**** and Joy**. Because there really is no need to hide. Heh.

And to Irfan, its not too late right. So HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY to youuuu....

"I guess you know the Earth is gonna crash into the sun
But that's no reason why we shouldn't have a little fun
So if you think it's scary, if it's more than you can take
Just blow out the candles and have a piece of cake"

The Word that Touched My Heart

2006-12-10T19:10:00.000+08:00

The series of lessons preached during the Gospel Meeting really moved me somehow.
The way Brother Jeremy put across certain subjects like 'Being a Christian, and not Doing Christianity' struck a sore spot.
How members re-dedicated their lives, and how the many visitors who visited night after night, and all those who just chose the better part of their evenings to listen to His word.
I must say that though I've heard lessons about the 'Second Coming of Christ' a googizallion times, this morning's lesson couldn't have been better.

From where I sat, I could see how His word moved many to tears.

It then occured to me how God put us in all these families with different religions, and different beliefs, and different denominations, and different hearts. Or how he chose for me to be raised in a Christian family. I don't have an answer to my own questions.

But remind me Lord, to ask you or your second coming.

"Just as I am, without one plea"

Cordially Invited

2006-12-02T14:45:00.000+08:00

I must admit that I have done very little for this year's Gospel Meeting. I have only gone for 1 mass tracting event. Inivited only 2 friends (who aren't interested at all). Offered to only do reception for 2 nights. And sat around most of the time assuming that everyone else will sow the seed.

Sometimes I really question how little I do for God.

This is for all of you - I want you saved.

"When Crimson Sun is Set"

The Angel From My Nightmare

2006-11-29T23:43:00.000+08:00

Earlier on, we celebrated her birth. Been 19 years on, and before she knows it, she'd be celebrating her 20th. Her last year of the so-called 'teenhood'. It'd be like shedding old skin and I'm sure you're going to miss all the years you had before.

Maybe older and wiser.

I hope that your 19th was celebrated in a way you would remember. Not with the numerous people in your friendster account (half of which you probably have no idea who), or aquaintances from a random outing.

And whats a celebration without us. Without me. You should be glad you had the most amazing of company.

Gushes of joy. Uninihibited.

Life can be great at times eh.

Remember yourself in the days of your youth

Nothing Suffices

2006-11-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

Because a thousand years later,
there will be no me.
Why do you wait to untie this loneliness?
Hold my hands.

Please don't wait.
Don't wait till a thousand years later.
When the earth is in its ruins,
and dusk is no more.

Can your reflection contain your whole self?
Or is it something you've learnt to hate.
It isn't enough to be this sincere.
Because the world has forgotten me.

-written Jas

Eulogy

2006-11-28T01:25:00.000+08:00

I promised you I will write again.

Now, this was something unprecedented. A fresh start to expressing myself again earlier than I had expected. I wanted to start writing like I did in the beginning, something worthwhile, and all the more meaningful.
I'm going to make this place somewhat of a sanctuary, something I can fall back on - music still being my first.
However, I can't say for sure how long this will last, or hope for immense popularity.
Maybe, you could just appreciate. Appreciate my love for writing, even if it seemed stinkier than your pet's crap.

And, I won't promise you pictures, or fancy photo shoots because ONE. I have a screwed up camera TWO. You're supposed to be appreciating my love for writing and THREE. My camera is really screwed up. Wait, didn't I mention that?

I know I'm selfish.

Amen.

"So, celebrate death"